Hey. Today I’m going to talk about the no contact rule that you’ve probably read all about as you were searching around the internet for ways to get back together with your ex.
If you haven’t heard about the no contact strategy, it’s pretty simple. Basically, what this strategy involves is ignoring your ex for a period of time after the breakup in order to win your ex back. It’s that simple.
Generally speaking, most people advocate around a month of no contact after the breakup if you want your ex back.
Now is this a good idea? Is this a good strategy? Does it work?
Generally speaking, this is a strategy that I do advocate and it does often work. The reasons why it works are actually quite scientific.
There’s a lot of research and real reasons why it works. I’m going to talk in this post just a little bit about no contact, whether it’s appropriate for all situations, and why it works.
Now why does this no contact thing work?
Why should you ignore your ex completely for, say, 30 days after the breakup?
The first couple reasons are actually very simple and straightforward.
Number one, it gives you time to heal privately so you don’t have all your emotions, your heartache, and all the pain that you feel after a breakup, it’s not open in the public for your ex and everyone else to see.
Secondly, by ignoring your ex you’re also basically preventing yourself from doing something stupid, from having an irrational thought that it would be a good idea to send your ex a text message at 2 am, when you’re drunk, to tell them that you love them and you miss them and all that.
Basically, by ignoring them completely you’re just not going to make any mistakes. You can’t screw up when you’re not talking to your ex.
Now, the third reason is actually a lot more subtle, but it’s probably the most important part of the whole no contact strategy. It forces your ex to miss you.
Basically, when you are ignoring your ex after a break-up, you’re essentially forcefully removing yourself from your ex’s life. Basically, your ex has become accustomed to you.
They’ve become very comfortable having you around, and if you suddenly disappear completely from their life, they’re going to be in shock essentially. It’s going to be a lot more difficult for them to recover and it’s going to be a lot more painful for your ex, and they’re going to be a lot more likely to start to miss you.
That’s one of the main reasons no contact works, is that it forces your ex to start missing you.
You need them to miss you if you want them back because you need them to have that decision to get back together with you organically to have them decide they want to get back together, oftentimes because they miss you so much they just want to make all the pain of the breakup go away by getting back together. Of course that will work to your advantage.
Now, the fourth reason that the no contact strategy often works extremely well is because it also, in addition to making your ex miss you, it also allows them to forget and let go of some of the negative memories, and generally forget the reasons why they decided to break up with you in the first place.
A lot of the times, humans tend to let go of negative memories and hold onto the happier ones. It’s extremely likely that your ex will do this.
They’ll let go of the negative memories. They’ll start to forget some of the reasons why they wanted to break up with you, why they weren’t happy. That happens a lot more effectively if you’re not talking to them and reminding them of all those same reasons they wanted to break up.
By ignoring them, you’re basically giving them time to have those negative memories fade into the background.
Finally, the last reason why no contact is often an excellent strategy is because it sends a very clear signal to your ex that you’re going to move on.
You’re not going to wait around for them while they screw around and try and decide whether the single life is right or whether they’re able to find somebody else. You’re just not going to be around forever. You’re going to move on to bigger and better things if your ex doesn’t reconsider the decision to break up.
That essentially ties into the whole concept of shifting the balance of power from your ex who break up with you, or presumably decided to break up with you, or doesn’t want to get back together, to you.
Because all of a sudden you’re saying don’t worry about it, I can live my life on my own. I’m going to be just fine. If you don’t want me in your life, then I’m out. It’s just helping to shift the balance of power into your favor. That’s going to work to your advantage in terms of winning your ex back.
Now does this no contact strategy work for every situation? What if it’s been three months since you broke up. What if you live together? There’s a lot of what ifs, a lot of questionable scenarios.
Most of the time I still advocate for no contact rule even if it’s some sort of modified form. If you do have a unique situation of some kind and you need some advice then The Ex Factory Guide might be the best choice for you. Thanks again for reading. I’ll see you soon. Bye bye.