Just before we start:
There is a link to video on how to get your ex back at the end of this guide – we would strongly suggest you to watch it!
Everyone makes mistakes in life and when it comes to relationships these mistakes happen way to often.
Let’s face it men and women usually do not understand each other and these misunderstandings can often grow to gigantic proportions and create issues in a relationship that can seem difficult to handle.
Over time these issues stack one on top of another and before you know it, your significant other wants to take time out from the relationship.
In 99% of the cases it leads to ‘we should take a break’ or ‘maybe we should see other people’.
Even if you personally have taken this time out to reflect upon your relationship and have gained a better understanding of what you are doing wrong, your partner might not be so receptive to your new found approach and might find it difficult to believe your words.
Even though you are willing to go to the distance to save and improve your relationship, your partner might find it much easier to throw the towel in than hard work to save what is left between you both.
This is one of the worst emotional situations couples can face in life – where you know how to make something work but without the co-operation of the other person involved, it simply cannot happen. It is like preaching to someone who has made up his or her mind already.
Eventually this leads to only heartbreak and pain and loneliness and while at this point it might seem like a miserable, dead end situation, it’s just not so.
If you knew how to get your ex back, you can change this situation and have things go your way.
But before you get your ex back, you have to understand why your relationship was on the verge of dying in the first place.
Why do relationships end?
If you ask your friends or family on why your relationship failed, they are very likely to give their elaborate opinions on it. People love to give others advice even when they are unaware of the intricacies of the situation.
This is one of the reasons why getting advice from people close to you isn’t a good idea.
Remember nobody can know the situation better than you do.
That being said, the problems in between you two can arise from many different reasons – misunderstandings, lack of trust or a sudden absence of attraction.
While all these might seem rather obvious, there’s a deeply underlying factor that causes such issues to arise – complacency.
Let’s take the example of a job where you have been for a few years now. You go to the same place of work, meet the same people and do the same thing again and again.
Unless rewarded by a substantially interesting financial or professional benefit, you are likely to loose interest in work and veer towards exploring other options in order to break out of the monotonous cycle of your current job that does not hold enough excitement for you as it did during the initial months.
The same goes for a relationship – after a while it’s the human tendency (especially with men) to get bored of the same person, the same dinner dates and the same circle of friends.
And just before you know it, you become complacent in the relationship. You don’t put an effort to dress up, stop grooming yourself thoroughly, you consequently start flaking on your weekly dates and stop picking up the phone calls of your partner.
Sounds familiar? This happens to a vast majority of couples and this is where most of the relationship problems start.
Soon, the pleas of your partner fall to deaf ears and before you know it, the relationship has gone out of hand and your partner has started paying attention to things other than yourself.
The worst part is that this very often takes you by shock as you think that everything was going so smoothly. Soon you go on a break and from here on, things mostly go downhill and it is very common to feel that all is lost.
While the first reaction in such a situation can certainly be that of loss, it isn’t always so.
What is the right thing to do after break up?
One important thing that you need to understand is that a break up of a relationship is not a ‘full and final settlement’.
If you take a closer look you will see that there are deep emotions involved and such feelings are not going to disappear right after a few words have been said.
Very often your partner may have thrown the burden of a ‘break up’ upon you in the hope for something better. It might be their way of giving you a last chance and see how you would react to see if you would fight back or whether you just let it all go?
There still way to get your ex back even after a bad breakup and before we tell you how to get your ex back, you have to treat a break up, as a time to grow.
They say that you do not know what you have lost, till you actually lose it.
This is very true for this period of a relationship but thankfully there are ways to overcome this situation and get back together again.
The wake up call.
Before you re-initiate contact with an ex, you must understand that if you present your ex with your old self; in the same old situation, your partner will feel no motivation and inclination to get back to you.
Only when you have proven that you can work on yourself and make a change for better you can expect different treatment.
This is why it is very important to treat a break up as a time to grow as a person. Consider this period of growth a silver lining in an otherwise dark cloud, an unexpected gift that you should make the most of.
If you take a good honest look at yourself and combine it with honest inner inspection, you will realize that this break is perhaps the best thing that ever happened to your otherwise fading relationship.
Initially you might feel that you do not have any control but by facing yourself and your fears directly, you can turn this uncertainty into a transformational gift.
As mentioned before, very often a breakup is nothing more than a wake up call intended to show your misalignment with the emotional goals of your partner.
If you respond to this call by asking yourself if you see any recurring patterns that exist between this breakup and any other breakups that you might have had before.
In many cases, this by itself is sufficient to get you on the right track. It takes a bit of pondering, but once you have figured out this pattern, you know exactly what to work on, opening a small door into getting your relationship back.
Ask yourself whether you have felt the same way before. When this gives you answers to your own psyche, do not be afraid and push answers that make you uncomfortable into shadows. Confront them and they will provide you with solutions for your situation.
So how to get your ex back?
Breakups absolutely suck but so far we have given you a few ways to deal with the situation and come up with viable solutions to get your ex back.
At a certain point of the breakup you will want to get back in touch with the ex. You have to ensure that any contact that you may have with them over phone, text messages or email is a quality exchange of thoughts that allows them to see the new you.
This means no late night drunk dialing and no emailing out of anger. Switch off your phone and unplug the computer if you feel your negative emotions overtaking your logical brain and forcing you to initiate contact.
The one thing you absolutely want to keep out of this is negative or desperate emotion.
Let’s not forget that there’s a pretty good chance that your ex also misses you terribly and wants to get back in touch with you. Maybe they torn between letting go of you and giving you a second chance.
Any contact that you make now will make their mind up for certain and you want to make sure that any conversation, whether vocal or textual is a positive one.
Emotions and logic.
While we love to analyze our relationships logically, we forget that these things are all about emotions. When you fall in love you are emotionally content and when things go sour, it’s always about how emotions make you feel bad about the situation.
You did not fall in love because the logic of the situation appealed to you. Why then must you, in this time of dire need, argue with them using logic?
On the other hand when you appeal to sub conscious mind using emotions, you can make your ex see you for whom you are and turn the tide of this wind into your favor.
Imagine being able to influence the feelings of your ex in your favor and getting your relationship back? It would be just amazing wouldn’t it?
However to do that, you must sow the seeds of emotions into the fertile soil of the sub conscious emotions that hide behind their logical conscious state of mind.
Using the power of emotions you can once again trigger the circuit of emotions in their mind that was once in full flow with feelings towards you, re-arising in them a strong urge to get back with you.
This way even if their logical mind comes up with objections, the emotional sub conscious will simply trample over it. The inner urges to be with you will re-initiate and they will simply be unable to keep you out of their loving thoughts.
Alter your partner’s emotional image of you.
By speaking the language of emotions sans any logic, you can easily make people associate feelings of attraction, desire and eventually love, for you. It will be just like it was in the beginning of your relationship.
Almost instantly, they will go from no emotional feelings to feelings of the utmost affection towards you. Once they have these intense feelings sub consciously the conscious part will compel them to act on it and reignite the passion that they once had for you.
In some cases your partner might be pondering over getting back with you but might not act on it, fearing rejection from you.
When they hear you speak in words full of emotion, they will feel reassured and be very open to an idea of reconciliation and work towards building a much better relationship. See how you can turn a hopeless situation into one full of promise?
How do you use this practically?
What and how exactly should you say things to your ex?
How do you appeal to emotional side?